A Lenten Stroll Down the Back Woods of A Soul

In three brief Lenten stories, Father Gordon MacRae unwinds the subtle threads connecting even the mundane events of the days of our lives in a tapestry of grace.Several years ago in this prison, I developed a cold that evolved into a sinus infection and then otitis media, an infection of the inner ear. I awoke one morning in alarm, unable to hear anything at all. I went to the morning sick call, paid my $3.00 co-pay (which is three day’s pay for most prisoners), and then waited for hours to be seen.The nurses who work here do the best they can with very limited resources and a not-always gracious and cooperative clientele. There was one daily sick call with a limited staff of nurses doing triage when this prison held 500 prisoners. Now there are 1,500, and still one daily sick call with chronically unfilled positions among the medical staff.When I feel well, I take an attitude that I would have to see a bright light at the end of a tunnel and find myself walking toward it before I would willingly go to sick call. When I feel awful, I have no other choice. The nurse who checked me over that day wanted me to be seen by a nurse practitioner, so I was given an appointment for the next day. When I showed up for it, I waited for an hour only to be told it was cancelled and would be rescheduled.When it wasn’t rescheduled, I went to sick call again to start the process over. Another two weeks went by before I began to take an antibiotic, but by then the otitis infection perforated my tympanic membranes resulting in partial hearing loss in both ears. I inquired about a hearing evaluation but was told that hearing evals and hearing aids are not available to prisoners here. “It would only make the endless noise louder,” said the nurse practitioner. It was a good point.I most notice my hearing loss in crowded spaces with a lot of people all talking, shouting, cursing, and fighting all at once. Which means that I notice it all the time here. I especially notice it during Lent. Yes, I know that sounds strange, but bear with me.I purchased a Timex wrist watch from the commissary a few years ago. It has a faint high-pitched alarm. During Lent, I set it permanently for 3:00 PM to remind me of the Hour of Mercy. As a Lenten practice at that time, I try to take a short time-out by tuning into EWTN for the televised Chaplet of Divine Mercy. It’s only 15 minutes out of the day, but a good prayer for Lent.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5TGfisOKMMIt turned out that even in the constant din of prison, everyone around me could hear my 3:00 PM alarm except me, and they would stare at me wondering why I wasn’t shutting it off. So I found myself having to repeatedly explain why I can’t hear it, and why I set it for 3:00 PM in the first place. As a result awhile back, some of our friends began to check out the Chaplet of Divine Mercy on EWTN at 3:00 PM, and they found it to be a nice practice The experience is so very much unlike the rest of a chaotic prison day, that some have come to look forward to this brief time-out for a few moments of peace.In turn, the practice led some of our friends to a deeper union with Divine Mercy, and it led one to a reversion of faith when he followed Pornchai Maximilian Moontri and me into 33 Days to Morning Glory and consecration to Jesus through Mary. That friend was Michael Ciresi, and his TSW guest post, “Coming Home to the Catholic Faith I Left Behind,” is a must-read for Lent.https://www.amazon.com/Days-Morning-Glory-Do-Yourself/dp/1596142448So I still set my watch alarm during Lent. I still explain why I can’t hear it, and I still explain why I set it for 3:00 PM. One day this past week during 3:30 PM Mail Call, I stood in the crowd of prisoners waiting anxiously to hear their names called, while a young man in the crowd behind me was audibly but unconsciously intoning the sung words, “E-TER-er-nal Father I offer you....” All the threads of connection that wove their way throughout this tapestry of events began with a very uncomfortable cold. For everything there is a reason under Heaven.NEWS AS PENANCEA TSW reader wrote to thank me for my post, “A Catholic Scandal Molested by a Predatory News Media.” She said that it drove home for her the reality of how very much the sex abuse story in the Catholic Church was seriously heightened by media spin since 2002 or so. PewSitter, an online Catholic news site worthy of our attention and a subscription (it’s free!) carried that post and highlighted it.To unveil media abuse of the abuse scandal does not mean that the scandal did not exist. It did. But a debt of gratitude is owed to David F. Pierre whose small but potent book, The Sins of the Press, exposed with solid research and vivid prose how The Boston Globe, aided by SNAP and abetted by the outrage and agendas of “reform” groups like Voice of the Faithful, conspired to exploit the story, keep it going, and keep it in the news.I have to atone this Lent for some outrage of my own. Having been too long on the receiving end of both the commissions and omissions of a very biased news media, I have become a bit jaded in my expectations. For a news media outlet to be unbiased, it must be able to step back from a story and demonstrate some of the journalistic skepticism so well described by columnist JoAnn Wypijewski. Her courageous challenge to the hubris of the press in “Oscar Hangover Special: Why ‘Spotlight’ Is a Terrible Film” showed us that a free press is no longer free when under the yoke of its own blind bias.In this story, Dorothy Rabinowitz and The Wall Street Journal have been like a journalistic beacon with investigative journalism unfettered by the politically correct bias that to ask hard questions is to further “victimize the victims.”This goes for the Catholic media as well - and perhaps even more so. For too many in the Catholic press, scandal in the priesthood has been presented with a bias toward wanting to distance the rest of the Church from the painful story. That leaves a lack of justice unchallenged, and where penance is warranted, it leaves penance unfulfilled, it creates scapegoats.There is plenty of room for atonement to go around in this story, and some of it is mine. Over the last few years of writing behind These Stone Walls, I have been critical of one Catholic media venue in particular. I felt that its editors and writers have been just too quick to assume the guilt of every priest accused, and have presented without serious questions the harm that this scandal has brought upon the Church and the faithful. That venue was Catholic Culture.Now justice requires that I single out Catholic Culture for the ability to adjust and atone. In a February 23, 2017 report, Catholic Culture columnist Thomas Van included this paragraph in his “Quick Hits” column:

“Father Gordon MacRae was imprisoned in 1994 on false charges of sexual abuse. He could have spent as little as a year in prison if he had confessed to doing something he did not do, but because he refuses, his sentence is more than sixty times that long. The late Cardinal Dulles and Rev. Richard John Neuhaus both encouraged Father MacRae to write about his experience, which he does regularly, advocating for greater restorative justice for prisoners at his award-winning blog, These Stone Walls.”

Thomas Van included a link to, of all things, my recent post, “Hebrews 13:3: Writing Just This Side of the Gate of Hell.” I very much appreciate and commend Catholic Culture for this.Such reversals and efforts toward fairness are unheard of in most secular media. I just read an editorial in Our Sunday Visitor (“Media Responsibility,” February 19-25, 2017) in which the OSV editors suggested that we “Don’t just consume news from outlets with which we agree.”So I decided that another good exercise in fairness for Lent might be to give equal news viewing time to CNN. I really smacked CNN down in a post a few years back entitled, “Cable News or Cable Nuisance?” So I have been giving CNN another look. The very first story I tuned in on was a commentary about Donald Trump. It went something like this: “Donald Trump was reported to have played a round of golf this week while President Barack Obama did not play golf until the third month of his presidency.” Seriously? It might be a long Lent.LETTERS FROM THE DESERTEvery weekday and Saturday at about 3:30 PM, the 96 men living in 12 cells on this prison cellblock stand in a crowded space and wait for mail. Ranging in age from 19 to about 75 or so, their chatter ebbs and flows as names on a stack of envelopes are called. Then the officer handing out the pre-opened mail will pause, remove its contents, and hand them over while discarding the envelopes, sight unseen.As he proceeds through the mail, however, the officer usually pauses here and there to set an envelope aside without calling a name. Then at the end, when all the names are called and everyone drifts away, he attacks the remaining stack addressed to me. Rather than hearing my name shouted again and again over the groans of other prisoners, this practice seems to work best. I get a lot of mail from TSW readers. Believe me, that is not a complaint.Once a week, two envelopes are larger than most. One contains the previous week’s post which all of you get to see at least five or six days before I do. TSW posts are printed and sent to me by Charlene Duline in Indianapolis. The other bigger weekly envelope contains your comments for the previous week graciously printed and sent to me by LaVern West, a friend in Cincinnati. A retired librarian, Mrs. West knows well the power of the printed word and the importance of my seeing all your comments.It is a most wondrous time of my day in this place, from about 4:00 to 5:00 PM, when the Hour of Mercy is followed by an hour when I can sit quietly in this cell and read the comments and letters from readers of These Stone Walls. I let our friend, Pornchai-Max read the letters that mention him. Most do. This is a special, grace-filled part of our day thanks to you, so please don’t give up writing for Lent. (And check our “Contact” page for all the mail rules here).If you have sent a letter to me, and you haven’t yet received a reply, please don’t assume that one isn’t coming. I keep mail until I answer it, and I am way behind. The very crowded and chaotic atmosphere in which we now live makes writing very difficult, but I will respond.A number of readers have written to me about their decision to accept my invitation to “Consecration to Divine Mercy: 33 Days to Merciful Love” posted in February. It’s a Do-It-Yourself retreat book by Father Michael Gaitley, M.I.C. I recommended starting on March 20, the Feast of Saint Joseph, and completing the Consecration on Divine Mercy Sunday. I’ll write more about this next week.Several readers have also written to us recently inquiring about the status of Pornchai Maximilian Moontri’s prodigious skill at woodworking. Back in August, Deacon David Norman and his wife, Terri, came to visit me from the Diocese of Reno, Nevada. After the visit, they stopped at the Corrections Creations retail store near this prison, and, unbeknownst to us at the time, they purchased something made by Pornchai-Max.It’s a hand-carved cribbage board which he designed and created. Deacon Dave said it’s a beautiful and special board, and the only one that lets him win at cribbage. Another reader went to the store here in Concord, and snapped a photo of two of Pornchai’s boards which are scooped up as soon as they arrive.The one on the left has a solid maple top and legs while the body is black walnut. On the right is one with a black walnut top and legs and the body is ash. The interiors are nicely lined with felt, and contain storage areas for two decks of cards and cribbage pegs (both of which are included). The overall dimensions are 16 inches long by 5 inches wide by 4 inches in height Pornchai is able to make and ship these for any TSW reader who might want one. (Just send a message to thesestonewalls2 {at}  gmail {dot} com for more information.)For the great gift of your presence with us behind These Stone Walls, we offer our daily lives and our prayers in sacrifice this Lent for the abounding of grace for you. Whether you comment or write letters or remain anonymous, you are very special to us, and a blessing of immense wealth as you exemplify the Word of the Lord in Hebrews 13:3, “Remember those who are in prison as though you are in prison with them.” You are in spirit here with us in our hearts.