Protect Us from All Anxiety: Nightmares and Dreamscapes in the Desert
. . . A few days ago, Pornchai and our friend, Donald, were in our cell talking about anxiety in prison. I told them of the awful dream I had. Donald suggested that I must feel really let down by being left to face the mob alone on the steps of the Church. Then Pornchai said, "I disagree. He wasn't alone at all." I was really thunderstruck by Pornchai's insight, and I believe he was right. The dream wasn't about the obvious source of my anxiety, the mobs pointing fingers of accusation, but rather about the fact that I am not alone in my anxiety, that Christ is there with me. How could I not see it? I see the same dark dream now in a completely different light. The next day, Pornchai brought up the "Libera Nos" prayer again, and asked me about the "protect us from all anxiety" part. It is rare that Pornchai speaks about his past, but he told me about his ongoing problem with anxiety. Living in the same cell, I have been aware of some of the times he awakens in the night in the steel bunk four feet above me, and I can feel the anxiety and pain in those times. Pornchai sleeps with his Saint Maximilian Kolbe medal hanging on the stone wall just inches from his face. I have seen him clutching it in the night. . . .
The Spring of Hope: Winter in New England Shows Signs of Thaw
. . . There's a "Southie" accent, a North End accent, a Charlestown accent, and of course the famous Boston Brahmin accent of Beacon Hill. A linguist once told me that the Boston accents evolved from the period of the 1630s when Boston became the geographic and social center of New England Puritanism after the success of Plymouth Colony that I described in "The True Story of Thanksgiving." Some think the Puritans came here just to one day make famous the phrase, "Pahk the cah in Hahvahd Yahd." There's another subtle accent distinction on the North Shore (the "Nawth Shoah") where I grew up, and still another if you head west out to the Berkshires. Venturing north to New Hampshire, where I am in prison, or west to Vermont or nor'east to Maine, you'll hear other distinct variations on the basic New England accent. . . .
Michelangelo and the Hand of God: Scandal at the Vatican Revisited
. . . Dante’s description of “The Dark Wood of Error” captures well the Catholic scandals that are fodder for the media today. Having lived in the shadow of accusation and scandal for so many years, I can only agree with Dante Alighieri (1265 – 1321): “I never saw so drear, so rank, so arduous a wilderness!” But the Church isn’t seeing any of this wilderness of scandal for the first time. I invite you to revisit “Michelangelo and the Hand of God: Scandal at the Vatican” for an injection of hope that, like Dante’s Dark Wood will all come to good if surrendered to sanctifying grace. . . .
Pornchai Moontri: From Prison Blues to Poetic Muse!
. . . In the post, I made a brief mention of a letter from Father Neuhaus to Pornchai Moontri, and of how that letter was among the forces that caused Pornchai to become a Catholic. What surprised me was the number of comments mentioning my brief paragraph about Pornchai. He was certainly not central to that post, but lots of people mention him in their comments on several of my posts. In fact, I've noticed a pattern. It might be just my imagination, but when I mention Pornchai, readers seem to comment more. I showed the comments on that post to Pornchai and told him about my theory. He readily concurred. "If you don't mention me," he said, "no one reads it!" Well, I doubt that's true. At least, I HOPE it isn't true! . . .
Cable News or Cable Nuisance? Gloom and Doom in America's Newsroom
. . . Greg Erlandson, publisher of Our Sunday Visitor, knows the difference, too, and it prompted him to add cable news to his list of things to avoid in 2011 (OSV, "New Years Resolutions," January 2). He clearly considered at least some of what passes for news on 24-hour cable news channels to be more akin to nuisance when he wrote: "The talking heads seem engaged in an anger and anxiety arms race, playing on ignorance and fears to get the best ratings."Greg Erlandson resolved to find "more rational and less incendiary ways" to be informed of the news. A couple of OSV readers reacted in letters to the editor. Dave Maxwell of Adrian, Michigan wrote that for him, "FOX News and The Wall Street Journal are the only reliable and balanced sources for the daily news." It seems that a lot of people agree. I'm not writing an advertisement for Fox News or The WSJ, but both news outlets are pulling in the highest ratings these days. I suspect there's a good reason for that, but it may also cause other news outlets to compete for ratings, sometimes by appealing to our basest nature. . . .
More on Pro-Catholic Star Trek, and the Books of Winter's Long Night
. . . I don't mean to pick on Jacqueline Suzanne and Harold Robbins, though Mr. Spock might have. Their books are actually quite popular in prison where any human dramas - even the seediest ones - are preferable to the ones prisoners are living. C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien are also very popular here, as are many classic authors like Jack London, Mark Twain, and John Steinbeck. The literary elite are as snooty in prison as anywhere else. Not long ago in the Library check-out line, I saw a prisoner with a pair of Steinbecks sneer at a grizzly-looking guy in line with a stack of books by Jackie Collins and Nora Roberts. The question of what books endure the test of time doesn't really apply here. Many prisoners will read whatever they can get their hands on, within limits. Part of my job in the library is to fill book requests for prisoners who have misbehaved and have been hauled off to "the hole" for weeks, or months, or sometimes years. . . .
In Memoriam: Cardinal Avery Dulles and Fr. Richard John Neuhaus
. . . In a letter dated 7 September 2007, the eve of the anniversary of his own communion with the Catholic faith, Father Richard John Neuhaus - advisor to popes and presidents - took the time to write to a prisoner. His encouraging letter to Pornchai Moontri in prison after reading "Pornchai's Story" published by The Catholic League, prompted Pornchai to realize the impact of what he called "true believers." Father Neuhaus wrote: "Your story is very moving indeed. While ... there is little concrete that any of us can do about this situation, we can pray, and you may be sure that you are in my prayers. In truth, prayer is the most concrete and effective instrument God has given us in order to participate in His purposes, which are often beyond our understanding." . . .
Don We Now Our Gray Apparel: The Grinch Who Stole Christmas 17 Times
. . . The readers of These Stone Walls have cast a light into the darkness and spiritual isolation of prison this year. It's a light that's magnified ever so brightly, in my life and in yours, by the birth of Christ. The Grinch doesn't really stand a chance! He never did! . . .
"Phasers on Stun, Mr. Spock!" Captain Kirk's Star Trek Epiphany
. . . Back in 1966, to make matters worse (for Debbie, at least) our family had the only color television on our block. We were by no means privileged. Our father brought it home that year as a Christmas bonus from his boss. I remember the day we first plugged it in. We quickly became the popular kids in the neighborhood! "This means," my 12-year-old sister tactlessly proclaimed, "that every nerd in the neighborhood will be in our living room for Star Trek." Debbie had to admit, at least, that Star Trek was far better in color. We discovered, for example, that only the crew members wearing red shirts were done in by aliens each week, and the slightly green tinge of Mr. Spock's skin made us wonder if perhaps Leonard Nimoy might really be Vulcan. . . .
And Death's Dark Shadow Put to Flight: Advent Hope for the Fall of Man
. . . Our materialistic culture has absorbed and transformed just about everything spiritual that we should associate with Christmas. I wrote a few weeks ago in "At the Twilight's Last Gleaming" that religion has been slowly stripped from the public square in our culture, and too often what remains is the intolerance of extremism used by the media to paint religion as destructive. We have a daunting challenge if future generations are to believe in anything worthy of belief, and that challenge is met within our own hearts and souls. We cannot bring into our culture that which we do not yet have in ourselves. In no time is this more true than in Advent, now reduced to the commercial selling of a "holiday spirit" that requires little more depth than an annual unprecedented spending spree. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way to the cash register, and the Season of Giving and Taking is fulfilled. . . .
At the Twilight's Last Gleaming: The Fate of Religion in America
. . . It's time for a revolution, and it should be a revolution of real faith in a modern world that values it not. It isn't going to be easy. But before we all sign up for remedial CCD classes, the bad news was offset just a bit by the reality that the United States as a whole flunked the test, and Catholics came out just three percentage points behind the national score of 50% - a solid "F." Other Christian denominations fared just slightly better than Catholics - but still flunked. Jews and Mormons both passed, though just barely, with scores slightly under the atheists. Weighing everything, my own conclusion is that the problem with religion in America isn't religion - it's America. Catholics should remember the value of being counter-cultural. . . .
These Stone Walls: More Loose Ends and Dangling Participles
. . . Somehow, at some point when I wasn’t looking, These Stone Walls became noticed, and it seemed to happen suddenly. In the last few weeks, some friends who keep track of such things have told me something astonishing. TSW is showing up on the first page in a number of Google searches. As a prisoner with zero access to the Internet, I can be forgiven for not having noticed. Google didn’t even exist when I was sent to prison, and the Internet was in its virtual toddlerhood. . . .
When Priests Are Falsely Accused Part 3: The High Cost of Innocence
. . . It's ironic that this same priest is often angry with me because he doesn't think I am angry enough. I assure you, he's wrong on that score. But being angry and feeling let down does not excuse me from doing the right thing. It does not excuse me from fidelity to the Gospel, fidelity to the Church, and fidelity to my own sense of right and wrong. At the end of the day, I am still wrongly imprisoned, but I have the freedom to choose the person I'm going to be while wrongly imprisoned. When I began this three-part post three weeks ago, I set out to write the nature and scope of the injustices that took place in my diocese. Now that it comes down to it, I can't. It feels too much like vengeance. There is far too much at stake for me to settle for something so unfaithful as vengeance. . . .
Mirror of Justice, Mother of God, Mystical Rose: Our Lady of Sorrows
. . . I have never written of any of this before now. Those months awaiting trial became so stressful and depressing that I began to give up. I stopped accepting treatment for epilepsy, and ended up hospitalized at Albuquerque Presbyterian Hospital for a week. After a traumatic night, my good friend and co-worker Father Clyde Landry, came to see me. He brought from my room at the center a portable short wave radio to listen to. Later that night, I plugged in my earpiece and turned on the radio. It was close to midnight, and I was not even aware it was the Feast of the Visitation, May 31. I also didn't know my radio was on the short-wave band. Father Clyde must have moved the band by accident. I raised the antennae and played with the tuner, then stopped. I had stumbled upon EWTN's short wave broadcast from Birmingham, Alabama. As I lay there in the dark in that hospital room, I heard the Salve Regina intoned and chanted in my ear. . . .
Come, Sail Away! Pornchai Moontri and the Art of Model Shipbuilding
. . . The art of woodcarving and model shipbuilding were honed in Pornchai during his years in a Maine prison. Pornchai was 18 years old when sent to prison with a sentence of 45 years. The first five were a blur of despair, violence, and trouble for Pornchai. Then he met Mike Tribou, a fellow prisoner and carpenter who offered to teach Pornchai his skills with woodworking. Mike is out of prison now, with a new family and a new life, but he and Pornchai remain friends. I am proud to say that Mike is also a TSW reader. . . .
New on These Stone Walls: Loose Ends and Dangling Participles
. . . Another reader wrote that she liked "Saints and Sacrifices," but pointed out that it was my third post in 12 weeks about Adolf Hitler, and I'm "beginning to sound a bit like the History Channel." OUCH! There's a strange irony in that. There's no character in history that I loathe more than Hitler. The irony is that as my trial ended in 1994, the prosecutor compared me to Adolf Hitler in his closing remarks to the jury.It was the sort of inflammatory statement that usually isn't allowed in court, but it was allowed in that court. The jury looked visibly alarmed, and I can only imagine how I looked to them. As with the rest of that trial, the Hitler comparison like Hitler himself - had nothing to do with the truth or with justice. . . .
The Year Behind These Stone Walls
. . . Then I walked through three locked gates outside, passed a guarded check-point, then across the long, walled prison yard, up three flights of metal grate stairs, through three more locked doors, then another guarded check-point, then finally down the long infirmary corridor to the staff member's office. In the dream, I felt my heart beating faster, unsure whether it was anticipation of finally seeing TSW or the long trek getting there. When I walked into the office, the computer was on. "Sit down right here,” the woman said. I sat down and watched her carefully type http://thesestonewalls.com. I was smiling as the screen blinked into action. Then I saw in large print across the screen: "Page Cannot Be Displayed." I woke up just then feeling terribly disappointed. . . .